As the kids have gotten older, and more savvy to Jen's and my management skills, they have started to master the art of negotiation. I think all parents know what I am talking about here. I can't remember the first time it happened to be honest. I'm sure it was something as infantile as crying in response to something they don't like, and then us letting them off the hook. It's at that moment that they begin to realize they have some control over the outcome of thier lives.
Crying as a tactic is still in full effect, however, they are beginning to use more strategic means to get thier way as well; like compromising, or trying to create win-win situations. A few examples:
Us: "Eat your dinner."
Them: "Well, what if I just eat 2 of my chicken nuggets?"
Us: "We are turning off the TV in 5 minutes."
Them: "10 Minutes!" (Andy this morning)
Us: "Go pick out a book."
Them: "3 Books!"
Ok, well, none of those are win-win, but you get the point.
The scenarios are endless. To be honest, we are both getting quite tired of it. It's easy to objectively say, 'we are going to have zero tolerance' and therefor diffuse any elements of control. The reality is, there are situations where a compromise is far better than a meltdown, and there are other times when we are just so darn tired at the end of the day, that we just don't have the energy to uphold the law.
Last night, I put the kids to bed (which is always a battle) and Andy snuk back out to watch TV with Jen and snuggle with her on the couch. I was in the den. He had taken a very long nap earlier, and so Jen let it slide. Within a few minutes, he was fast asleep next to her on the couch.
Now Andy knows that if daddy catches him out of bed after bedtime, that I will raise my voice at him and usually take away some upcoming privalge. So when Jen called for me to come put him in his bed, Andy instantly woke from a dead sleep, and sprinted back to his bed! We both had to laugh at his response. It's good to know that we still have a little authority, even when we don't always work for it.
I am sure that these challenges will only become more intese as the kids mature. I dread the teenage years. Until then, I will continue to appreciate any level of influence we have, and try to remind myself that independence and creative problem solving are good skills for my chidren to have.
3 comments:
In April we went to the Zoo and Aubrey got to ride the train. I told her it was something special we did becuase Grandma and Daddy were with us. We went again in May and she asked about it, I told her maybe. It didn't happen. We went today and she repeated for a half hour, "ride cho cho train please." I told her it wasn't an option today. She was relentless. I finally told her if she stopped asking me, we could have ice cream when we got home. Oops, then she wanted to leave immediately and go home. Ugh! She didn't get the train, but I did say we would do it next time. Negotiations are frustrating!
Oh man...you've hit a very timely topic. I'm sure if one or both of our girls were involved in the Microsoft-Yahoo talks a few weeks ago, the deal would have been sealed in record time.
Negotiations drive me nuts. I always thought that if you gave options to choose from, that would do away with complaining and negotiating. Nope, they just negotiate the options provided.
Hang in there!
wait till they tell you that all their friends can do it why can't I? I still really believe if you just acknowledge their desires they will feel heard and loved and its easier to hear the no - that what my kids do for me when they tell me something I can't have. And if I'm a good girl for a while they will loosen the reins.
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